11Z/Ci1 Citizenship: 12 Mark Evaluation Feedback (prisoner treatment)

Marking Overview

Total Scripts:
15

Question:
Should prisons make prisoners work? (12 marks)

Marks:
12 marks

Average Grade:
?/12

Success Criteria for a 12-Mark Answer

This guide is based on an analysis of a real student script that scored 12/12. It shows what is needed to reach the top marks.

Length and Structure: Aim for a concise and focused answer of around **300-320 words**. The best answers follow a clear 3 or 4 paragraph structure: an introduction, one or two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Start with a Clear Judgement: Your first paragraph must directly answer the question ("Which view do you agree with more?"). State your final judgement clearly and briefly introduce the main reason why.
Evaluate, Don't Just Summarise: The main body of your answer should not just describe what each source says. You must actively **evaluate** by:
- Directly comparing the two arguments and explaining which is stronger or weaker.
- Critiquing the quality of the evidence used (e.g., is it based on **facts and statistics** or just **opinion**?).
- Considering the potential bias or limited perspective of the writers.
Use Your Own Knowledge: To reach the highest marks, you should bring in **one or two specific examples or pieces of factual knowledge** from outside the sources to support your evaluation and strengthen your argument.
Write a Powerful Conclusion: Your final paragraph should not simply repeat your introduction. It should summarise your key evaluative points and provide a final, reasoned justification for why one argument is fundamentally more persuasive than the other.

Source Texts for this Assignment

Sarah Shemkus says YES

UK prisons should copy the example of the US where 88% of inmates participate in productive prison work. Prisoners run laundry rooms and kitchens, transcribe textbooks into Braille and build desks. They can also be found moulding dentures, grinding lenses for glasses, upholstering chairs as well as more skilled and complex work such as computer coding. We need prisons to protect the public but they can do much more. Supporters say the training they offer is essential for preparing prisoners to succeed in life after release. Such training includes improving literacy skills. These programmes produce goods and services that are often sold to outside customers, such as government agencies and schools. Advocates of these programs believe working while in prison can teach inmates technical and also transferable skills. Work keeps prisoners busy and less likely to cause problems inside. Many offenders have never had a legal job. So they need to learn the basics such as showing up on time, listening to a supervisor and working as part of a team. The advantage of this is that prisoners pay back to society and to the individuals they harmed when they committed their crimes. In addition many US states note that prisoners who participate fully in work are less likely to reoffend following release. That is a core aim of prison, to reintegrate them into society.

Helen Brown Coverdale says NO

Making all prisoners work will not make prison work. US work programmes often verge on enslavement, with inmates paid little or no wages. Often the tasks they are given are unmatched to their skills, interests and ambitions. Prisoners at work are often denied the health and safety benefits and protections a civilian job would provide. It is not work in a real context. Work is not the answer to the crisis in the prison system in England and Wales. Work will not solve increases in unrest, riots and escapes. It will not put a stop to prisoner assaults on staff and prisoners, as well as prisoner self-harm and suicide. Almost 100 years ago, Prison Commissioner Alexander Paterson argued that people are sent to prison as punishment, not for punishment. The purpose of prison is to protect the public, reform and rehabilitate offenders. It also prepares prisoners for life outside prison and to maintain an environment that is safe and secure. We do need prisoners to play a full part in society but forcing them into hard work will not achieve this. We need a wider solution for them not to reoffend. We must not lose sight of prisoners as people, with pasts and presents. They also have families and futures. For them - just as much as victims and society - we must remember how to care.

Select Student to View Marked Work:

Model Answer - Grade: 12/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree more with the view from Sarah Shemkus.A clear and decisive introduction that directly answers the question. Although Helen Brown Coverdale raises important ethical questions, Shemkus’s argument is more convincing because it is forward-looking and provides a practical solution to the problem of reoffending, which should be the primary aim of the prison system.

The key difference between the writers is their view on the purpose of prison.This sentence immediately starts evaluating by comparing the two core philosophies. Coverdale, citing Alexander Paterson, argues people are sent to prison "as punishment, not for punishment", suggesting that rehabilitation is the goal. However, her argument that work is like "enslavement" and fails to solve issues like unrest contradicts this, as she offers no alternative method for rehabilitation. Shemkus, on the other hand, sees rehabilitation as an active process. Her view that work teaches "technical and also transferable skills" is powerful because it addresses a key cause of reoffending. As many UK charities for ex-offenders note, a stable job is the single most important factor in preventing a return to crime.This is excellent use of own knowledge to support the source's argument and strengthen the evaluation.

Furthermore, Shemkus provides strong statistical evidence from the US that prisoners who work are "less likely to reoffend", whereas Coverdale’s argument is based more on philosophical principles without providing data.This is another high-level evaluation, critiquing the quality of the evidence presented by each writer, just as the exam exemplar did. While Coverdale’s point that work is not in a "real context" due to a lack of health and safety protections is valid, it is a weaker argument. This is a problem that could be fixed with better regulation, whereas the problem of reoffending, which Shemkus addresses, is far more fundamental. Coverdale's perspective is also limited; she focuses entirely on the prisoner, failing to address the need for prisoners to "pay back to society", as Shemkus notes.This critiques the bias or limited perspective of one of the writers, showing deep critical thinking.

In conclusion, I agree more with Sarah Shemkus. Her argument is more persuasive as it is supported by evidence and provides a practical solution to the most important issue, which is reducing reoffending to protect the public.The conclusion summarises the key evaluative points (evidence, practicality) and explains why one argument is ultimately stronger than the other. While Coverdale’s concerns for prisoner welfare are important, her argument is less complete and fails to address the wider societal need for rehabilitation.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths of this Model Answer

**Concise & Focused:** It is approximately 310 words long, similar to a real exam answer.
**Evaluative Throughout:** It constantly compares the two sources and makes judgements.
**Uses Own Knowledge:** It brings in external facts to support its points.
**Critiques Evidence:** It assesses the *quality* of the arguments (statistics vs. opinion).

🔄 How this answer gets top marks

It moves beyond simple summary to build a coherent and critical argument.
The conclusion is a powerful summary of the evaluation, directly explaining why one source is more convincing than the other.
It demonstrates all the key skills of analysis, comparison, and evaluation required for a Level 4 (10-12 marks) response.

Next Steps: Aim to replicate this style in your own answers. Focus not just on what the sources say, but on which source makes a better, more convincing, or better-supported argument, and explain your reasoning clearly.

Grade: 12/12 marks - A concise, well-structured, and highly evaluative response that uses own knowledge.

4251 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 11/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah Shemkus (SS) that prisons should make inmates work. For example in the US 88% of inmates participate in productive prison work, this shows how not only are prisons in the US set up to protect the public but also to prepare prisoners to succeed in life after release.Excellent analysis. You've selected a key piece of evidence (the statistic) and explained its significance. Adding on to this point the UK suffers a huge economical loss annually due to prisoners being held up in prison (£50,000 per prisoner) and giving them jobs... helps the economy.This is an outstanding piece of evaluation. You are bringing in your own knowledge (the cost of prisons) to develop and strengthen the source's argument. This is a very high-level skill. However, on the other hand Helen Brown (HB) strongly opposes this argumentPerfect. You are now showing a balanced argument by accurately analysing the counter-viewpoint. and says that making all prisoners work...would be enslavement, with inmates paid little or no wages. I disagree with this pointThis is a good point of evaluation, but it dismisses Coverdale's argument a little too easily. A better response would acknowledge the strength of her moral point before refuting it. as people are placed in prison to succeed later on in life and not for punishment. Adding on to my previous point, Alexander Paterson said how people are sent to prison as punishment, not for punishment although these inmates are still human and deserve a chance to succeed in life.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear, logical, and well-balanced structure.
You show outstanding evaluation skills by using your own knowledge (prison costs) to strengthen your argument.
Your analysis of both sources is accurate and detailed.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your evaluation of Coverdale's argument is slightly weaker than your analysis of Shemkus. Try to acknowledge the validity of her moral point about 'enslavement' before explaining why you find the practical arguments more convincing.
The only thing missing is a final conclusion to summarise your excellent points.

Next Steps: This is an exemplary start. To secure the top mark, ensure your evaluation of the opposing view is as fair as possible. Then, write a conclusion that weighs the two arguments and confirms your final judgement. For example: "In conclusion, while Coverdale's concerns about exploitation are morally important, Shemkus's argument is ultimately more compelling. The economic and social benefits of rehabilitating offenders and reducing reoffending, as Shemkus outlines, are of greater importance to society as a whole."

Projected Grade: 11/12 - An outstanding and highly evaluative start that is on track for a top mark.

4229 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 7/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah ShemkusA clear, if simple, start to your answer. because it has a major strength. For example she said when prisoners work at prison they are prepared to suceed in life after they release which is right because some of these prisoners are uneducated so... work will keep prisoners busy and less like to commit such more dangerous acts.This is a good piece of analysis where you explain the logic behind the source's argument in your own words. However the flaws with this argument is in prison prisoners paid little to no wage and not properly protect by the Work Act.Excellent - you are now using a key argument from Helen Brown's source to critique Sarah Shemkus's argument. This is a good evaluative skill. In my conclusion I think that Sarah's agreement is more credible because the basic skills they will need for life will benefit them.This is a good start to a conclusion, but it needs to be a full paragraph that weighs up the strengths and weaknesses you have identified.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have analysed arguments from both sources.
You have started to evaluate the arguments by comparing them and identifying flaws.
You have included a conclusion.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your analysis is a little one-sided. You need to explain Helen Brown's arguments as her own points, not just as a flaw in Shemkus's argument.
Your conclusion is too brief. You need to explain *why* the benefit of learning skills outweighs the problem of low pay.

Next Steps: To make your answer more balanced, dedicate a separate paragraph to explaining Helen Brown's point of view fairly. Then, expand your conclusion to be a full paragraph where you weigh up the two arguments you have explained.

Projected Grade: 7/12 - A good answer with some clear evaluation, but needs more balance and a developed conclusion.

4121 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 7/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Helen Brown to a large extentA great start that clearly states your position. as she speaks about the negative impacts of making prisoners work. One point that makes me agree with H.B. is when she says people are "sent to prison as punishment not for punishment".Excellent analysis of the key philosophical argument from the source. This quote explains that prisoners are only meant to serve their time and go, not serve their time and do work on top of that. Another reason why I agree that H.B says no is because putting work on a prisoner's head may anger them more or stress them that can lead to a mental breakdow.This is a good point where you use your own reasoning to expand on Coverdale's argument about prisoner welfare. An advantage is that working could give prisoners a way to escape... Also they could possibly make weapons out of the equipment they use.This is another interesting piece of analysis, but it's not directly from the source material. Try to stick more closely to the arguments provided in the text, such as the point about riots and unrest.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear point of view and a well-structured analysis of the source you agree with.
You use quotes from the text effectively.
You successfully use your own reasoning to develop the source's arguments.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your answer is one-sided. For a 12-mark question, you MUST analyse the arguments from the other source (Sarah Shemkus) as well.
You need to add a conclusion that weighs up the two arguments before confirming your judgement.

Note: To get top marks, you must show the examiner that you have understood the other side of the argument, even if you disagree with it.

Improved Structure:

After you have explained why you agree with Helen Brown, you need to add a paragraph like this:

"On the other hand, Sarah Shemkus presents a strong counter-argument. She claims that prison work is 'essential for preparing prisoners' by teaching them skills and reducing the chance of reoffending. While this is a practical argument, it is less convincing than Brown's because it overlooks the fundamental human rights of prisoners.This shows you can analyse the other side fairly before dismissing it."

Next Steps: Always create a balanced argument. A good rule for a 12-mark question is to dedicate one paragraph to Source A, one paragraph to Source B, and a final paragraph for your conclusion.

Projected Grade: 7/12 - A very well-analysed answer on one source, but needs to be balanced.

4304 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 3/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah Shemkus this because she belive that UK should cops the UK sisten.A clear start stating your view, but you've made a factual error (it's the US system). She ses by siving prisen work there cre least like to start problems.You have identified a point, but your writing is very difficult to read. This also help prisonol with there lifes they need for overades.This sentence is incoherent. less like to reoffened.The quality of the writing here is too poor to understand the point you are trying to make. this help prisen connect to societs. this help soceila build relationship with people who be in prison because of there job they are less to cuse. this sive prison a purpose something to do like cook and do landing this teache prison life skill for when they are let out.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear point of view and have attempted to use evidence from the source.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your answer is almost entirely incomprehensible due to extremely poor spelling, grammar, and sentence structure.
You have only discussed one of the two sources.
You have made factual errors about what the source says.

Note: Before you can write a successful essay, you must focus on your basic writing skills. Your ideas are impossible to understand. Start by writing in short, simple, clear sentences.

Improved Section:

I agree with Sarah Shemkus. She argues that the UK should copy the US prison system. One of her points is that work keeps prisoners busy. This means they are less likely to cause problems like fights.See how using two short, clear sentences makes the point much easier to understand.

Next Steps: Your number one priority is to improve your basic sentence writing. Work with your teacher on spelling, punctuation, and grammar. You cannot get marks if the examiner cannot read your work.

Projected Grade: 3/12 - An incoherent and one-sided answer that is very difficult to understand.

4253 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 6/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Helen Brown (HB) to a large extent.A good, clear start stating your view. This is due to the fact that having prisoners work spoils the whole purpose of a prisonA clear analysis of one of Coverdale's key arguments. in the first place - that being able to keep society safe. Peterson said himself that criminals are sent to prison for "punishment, not punishment". This argument is strong because it uses a quote from a high ranking official.Excellent analysis. You are not just identifying the quote, but explaining why it is a powerful piece of evidence. Therefore, Sarah Shemkus has a valid point that I personally agree with.This is a contradictory sentence. Your introduction and analysis clearly support Helen Brown. You should present Shemkus's view as a counter-argument that you find less convincing.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear point of view in your introduction.
Your analysis of Helen Brown's argument is excellent, especially your comment on the power of using a quote from an authority figure.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your argument becomes contradictory at the end. You must maintain a consistent point of view.
You need to analyse Sarah Shemkus's arguments in much more detail, even if you disagree with them.
You are missing a conclusion.

Note: Your analysis of the Peterson quote is excellent. To improve, you need to build a consistent argument and fairly represent the other side.

Improved Structure:

...after your strong analysis of Helen Brown's points, your next paragraph should start:

"On the other hand, Sarah Shemkus makes a practical case for prison work, arguing it teaches skills and reduces reoffending. While these are valid goals, her argument is ultimately less persuasive than Brown's philosophical stance.This structure allows you to explain Shemkus's argument fairly before explaining why you find it weaker. It keeps your overall argument consistent."

Next Steps: Plan your argument before you start writing. Decide who you agree with most and then structure every paragraph to support that final judgement.

Projected Grade: 6/12 - A good answer with some excellent analysis, but it is one-sided and contradictory.

4252 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 9/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah Shemkus as she makes a valid point that prisoners need skills after prison to avoid reoffending.A good, clear start that states your view and identifies a key argument. "training they offer is essential for preparing prisoners to succeed in life after".Good use of a quote. It's been shown that most prisoners reoffend as they feel little they have nothing to live for or work for. So this would help to decrease the rate of reoffending. However I disagree with Helen Brown as even though she makes good points for example "inmates paid little or no wages",Good, you are analysing the counter-argument now. this is a good point as it shows that making prisoners work might not be cost effective.This is an interesting interpretation of her point, but 'cost effective' isn't her main argument. She is focused on the morality and the idea of 'slavery'. But fails to mention or offer another solution.This is a good evaluative point - you are criticising the source for not being constructive. Also fails to give any statistics or evidence to back up her claims unlike "work is not the answer".

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear structure and analyse both sources.
Your analysis of Shemkus's argument is strong and well-explained.
You have started to evaluate the second source by identifying its weaknesses (e.g. lack of solutions or evidence).

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your analysis of Coverdale's argument about wages is slightly off-track. The key issue for her is not cost-effectiveness, but the moral issue of exploitation. Re-read that section carefully.
You need a concluding paragraph to summarise your judgement and explain why Shemkus's practical solutions are more convincing than Coverdale's moral objections.

Note: Be careful to analyse the *exact* point a source is making. Coverdale's argument about low wages is about morality, not money.

Improved Analysis:

Coverdale's point that prisoners are "paid little or no wages" is a strong one because she is making a moral argument against exploitation.This shows you understand the philosophical basis of her argument. She compares it to 'enslavement' to highlight that it may be a breach of the prisoners' fundamental human rights.

Next Steps: Focus on precision in your analysis. Always ask yourself "What is the *real* point this writer is trying to make?". This will help you engage more deeply with the text.

Projected Grade: 9/12 - A strong start with good evaluation, but with a slight misinterpretation of one argument.

4203 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 6/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah Shemkus when She states "work is not the answer to the crisis in the prison system".This is a good starting point, but you have misattributed the quote. Helen Brown Coverdale said this, not Sarah Shemkus. This is a major error. I agree with this because putting Prisoners in prison then giving them a Punishment is not the answer, them being put in prison is already the punishment.This is a very good analysis of Coverdale's key philosophical point. I dissagree with Sarah Shemkus when she states "UK prisons should copy the example of the US".This is good, you are now addressing the other source. I dissagree because US as a country shouldn't be copying what another country chooses to do with their citizens we should be independent and think of our own rules.This is an excellent piece of evaluation, using your own logical argument (national sovereignty) to challenge the source. I also dissagree when she says "working while in prison can teach inmates technical and also tranferable skills." I dissagree because inmates had a life before they were put into prison therefore they should already know how to do technical and transferable skills.This is a weak evaluation. Shemkus's specific point is that many prisoners have never held a legal job, so this assumption is incorrect.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You show excellent evaluation skills by challenging the sources with your own logical arguments.
You have a clear point of view.
You analyse arguments from both sources.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

You have made a major factual error in your introduction by confusing the two writers. This immediately undermines your argument.
Your evaluation that prisoners "should already know" skills is a weak generalisation. Shemkus's point is that *many* offenders have never had a legal job.

Next Steps: The most critical step for you is to read the source material with extreme care. Misattributing a quote is a serious error. Always double-check which writer is making which argument before you begin your essay.

Projected Grade: 6/12 - Shows excellent evaluative thinking, but is severely held back by a major factual error.

4271 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 5/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah ShemkusA clear start stating your view. as she makes good points like the work they do in prision is transferable.Good identification of a key argument. But work will also teach these prisioners to show up on time and working part of a team.Good analysis of the 'transferable skills' point. And also when they are released can stop them from falling into bad habbits. & (SS) also mentions programes to improve prisioners literacy skills. One more paint she made is that it will keep prisioners out of trouble.You are listing a lot of points from the source here without explaining them in much detail. Try to focus on one or two and explain them more fully. Helen Brown believes prisioners are sent there as punishment not for a punishment.Good - you are now showing balance by accurately identifying the key philosophical argument from the other source. However this will make the prisioners ocupied from causing problems.This is a point from Shemkus, not Brown. You are starting to confuse the two arguments. But there are some problems with this work program as they are unpaid and she says US Programmes often verge on enslavement. In conclusion they both have good ideas but there are problems that could arise.This is a weak conclusion. The question asks you to decide who you agree with *most*. You must make a final judgement.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You correctly identify several key arguments from both sources.
You are attempting to build a balanced argument.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

You need to explain the points in more detail, rather than just listing them.
You begin to confuse the arguments from the two sources towards the end.
Your conclusion is weak and fails to answer the question. You must make a clear judgement.

Next Steps: Plan your essay before you write. Dedicate one paragraph to explaining Shemkus's arguments, and a second paragraph to explaining Coverdale's arguments. This will help you avoid getting them confused. Finally, always write a conclusion that makes a clear choice.

Projected Grade: 5/12 - A simple answer that identifies key points but lacks detail, evaluation, and a clear conclusion.

4238 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 5/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with (SS) Sarah Shemki's point.A clear start stating your view. She makes good point about how most prisoners have often never had a job and need to learn such skillsGood analysis of a key argument from the source. to be a worker. Another reason why she has a valid opinion is because the UK government spends approximately 2 million a year on inmates without them bringing back revenue to the public.This is a fantastic point using your own knowledge, but the figure is incorrect (it's closer to £4-5 billion annually) and needs to be cited or phrased more cautiously. This links to (SS) point as she states goods that are made by prisoners can be sold to the government and schools.Excellent - you are linking your own knowledge back to the text. What S fails to mention is that the prisoners are forced to work which could be seen as forced labour going against some human rights.This is a good evaluative point, but it's presented as your own idea when it's actually Coverdale's main argument. You should credit it to her. I disagree with (HB) Helen Brown. This is because prisoners who spend years in prison and gain no life skills to succeed in the real world will not find jobs.Good analysis of the consequence of Coverdale's view.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear point of view and a balanced structure.
You have tried to use your own knowledge to develop the argument.
You show a good understanding of the key issues.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Be careful with the accuracy of your own knowledge. If you are unsure of a statistic, it is better not to use it.
You have presented Coverdale's main argument as your own idea. You must always refer to the source text directly.
You are missing a conclusion.

Next Steps: It's great that you are using your own knowledge, but make sure it is accurate. To improve your analysis, always link your points back to the source text. For example: "Shemkus's argument is weakened by the point made by Coverdale, who argues that..."

Projected Grade: 5/12 - A good attempt at an evaluative essay, but let down by inaccuracies.

4122 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 8/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

One reason why I agree with writer Sarah Shemkus (SS) is because she uses valid points and statistics.A good start, identifying why you find the argument convincing by commenting on the quality of her evidence. For example, she says how in prison, prisoners are unemployed, and working instead of rotting in a cell. SS says how it will benefit both the prisoners and the public as, prisoner 88% of inmates in prisons give inmates work experience when being reintegrated into society.This is a good analysis, linking the statistic to the overall benefit for society. It also benefits the public as the inmates are giving back for all the damage they have caused. However others may disagree with this statement as others believe that inmates are suppose to reflect on what they have done.Good - you are now moving on to the counter-argument from the other source. People like Helen Brown (HB) also believe that inmates should be treated as humans and remember that they are also women.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a clear structure and analyse points from both sources.
You effectively use the statistic from the source to support your analysis.
You explain the arguments in your own words, showing good understanding.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your analysis of Coverdale's argument is a little brief. Try to explain her points about 'enslavement' and the purpose of punishment in more detail.
You need to add a concluding paragraph that weighs the two arguments and explains why Shemkus's evidence-based approach is more convincing to you.

Next Steps: You have a solid foundation. Make sure you give equal weight to analysing both sources. Then, write a conclusion that explains your final judgement. For example: "In conclusion, while Coverdale's points about humanity are important, Shemkus's argument is more persuasive because it is supported by statistics about reducing reoffending, which is the most critical function of a prison system."

Projected Grade: 8/12 - A well-structured answer with good analysis. Needs a more developed conclusion.

4210 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 6/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah ShemkusA clear start stating your view. about that should prisoners should work. This is because it could keep prisoners active as they could learn new skills from such. This can be demonstrated when SS states 'prison can teach inmates technical and also transferrable skills'.Good use of a quote to support your point. This is a valid point as most prisoners have not had a regular job so teaching them basics such as working together with others.Excellent analysis where you explain the significance of the point in your own words. The advantage of this is that they pay back to society. However prisoners shouldn't work because it reduces the risk of riots and protests.Good, you are bringing in a counter-argument, but you have misunderstood the source. Coverdale argues that work *won't* solve riots, not that not working will reduce them. For example protesting for a higher wage or more benefits. The purpose of prison is to protect the public and serve time rather than gaining experience that isn't earned or deserved.This is a strong summary of Coverdale's key argument.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a very clear and well-supported analysis of Sarah Shemkus's arguments.
You successfully identify some of the key arguments from Helen Brown Coverdale.
You use evidence from the text well.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

You have misunderstood a key point from Coverdale's argument regarding riots. You must read the source material very carefully.
You are missing a conclusion where you weigh the two arguments and explain why Shemkus's view is more convincing.

Next Steps: Double-check the source text to ensure you have understood it correctly. After you have analysed both sides, add a conclusion that makes a clear judgement about which argument is stronger.

Projected Grade: 6/12 - Very strong analysis of the preferred source, but let down by a misunderstanding and a missing conclusion.

4279 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 8/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with Sarah williams point about needing experience.A clear introduction stating your position and identifying the key argument you support. This is because Sarah williams states that prisoners are more likely to be influenced by social media, friends and celebrity opinions.Good - you have accurately identified a key argument from the source. This shows the strength in her argument as she is stating that young people are easily influenced meaning if they were allowed to vote there is a possibilty that their opinions would not be represented as they are just blindly following the opinion of a celebrity. However some may agree with Alex Chen's view about lowering voting age to 16 as problems such as climate change mostly young people will be facing these problems so they should have a say on what should happen.Excellent. You are now clearly explaining the counter-argument from the other source, which shows you are building a balanced answer. There is strength in this argument as most 16 year olds have the resources and intelligence to make an informed decision on laws as most people have access to social media.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a very clear and logical structure.
You successfully identify and explain key arguments from both of the sources.
Your explanation of Williams' point about influence is well-developed.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

This answer appears to be for a different question about lowering the voting age, not about prison work.
In an exam, this would score zero marks for being off-topic.

Next Steps: You have excellent writing and analysis skills, but you have applied them to the wrong question. The most critical skill in an exam is to read the question and the sources carefully before you begin writing. Always double-check you are answering what is being asked.

Projected Grade: 8/12 (This grade reflects your writing skill, but the answer would score 0 in a real exam for being off-topic).

4322 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 10/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

I agree with saram snemkus (ss) on allowing prisons to make prisoners work as it sets them up for succession after release.A clear start stating your view. For example, rather than just seeing prisons as protecting the public, the 'training' is 'essential for preparing prisoners to succeed in life'.Good use of quotes to analyse the source's argument about the purpose of prison. This is because prisoners will be able to learn new skills to get jobs and to provicle for themselves and their families, which creates a sevise of duty.Good, clear explanation of the argument's logic. This strengthens SSS' point as rather than condemning prisoners for their actions, we can also see them as valuable members of communitys if they are able work as a sign of remorse. I do not agree with Helen Brown's (HB) point as rather than seeing programemes in prison as a definition of enslavement, we should see it as a way for prisoners to learn skills and adapt to their new life after release.Excellent - you are now directly addressing the counter-argument and beginning to evaluate it. which defys HBs point. Rather than saying "prisoners at work are often denied the health & safety benefits". who needs to understand that prisoner facility contain staff members that also protect prisoners.This is a slightly weaker point of evaluation. While there are staff, Coverdale's point is that prisoners don't have the same legal rights and union protections as civilian workers, which is still a valid concern.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have a very clear structure and a confident, analytical tone.
Your analysis of Shemkus's argument is sophisticated and well-explained.
You are directly evaluating the opposing viewpoint and explaining why you find it unconvincing.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

Your evaluation of HB's 'health and safety' point could be stronger. Try to acknowledge the validity of her point before challenging it.
You have a great foundation. To complete the essay, you need to continue your balanced analysis and finish with a strong concluding paragraph that summarises your final judgement.

Next Steps: This is a very strong start. To elevate it further, when you critique an argument, first show you understand it. For example: "While Coverdale raises a valid concern about health and safety protections, this is a weaker argument because..." This makes your own point seem more reasoned. Finally, add a conclusion weighing the two arguments.

Projected Grade: 10/12 - A confident, well-analysed, and evaluative start.

4131 - Candidate: N/A - Projected Grade: 2/12

Which writer do you agree with most? Explain your answer referring to arguments made in both parts of the source

Student Response:

Sarah Shentius (SH) believes inmates should participate in productive prison work and be payed little to no wages.You have identified a point from Shemkus, but you have incorrectly added Coverdale's point about 'no wages' to it. You must be careful to keep the arguments separate. Helen Brown (HB) believes that prisoners are sent to prison as punishment not for punishment.This is a correct point from the second source. HB think this is enslavement as inmates are being payed little to nothing and proper health and safety precautions are not taken.You have correctly identified another key argument from Coverdale.

Detailed Feedback

✅ Strengths (What you have started well)

You have correctly identified some of the main arguments from both sources.

🔄 How to complete the answer for a top grade

This is not an essay; it is a list of notes. You need to write in full, properly structured paragraphs.
You have not explained any of the points you list. You need to write about them in your own words.
You have not stated which writer you agree with, which is the main point of the question.
You have confused the arguments of the two writers at the start.

Note: You have the first step right - identifying the arguments. The next step is to explain them in your own words, in a full sentence.

Improved Section:

One argument from Helen Brown Coverdale is that prison work is a form of 'enslavement'. She supports this by pointing out that inmates are often paid "little or no wages" and do not receive the same health and safety protections as normal workers.This is a full sentence that explains the point clearly.

Next Steps: You need to practice turning your notes into proper prose. For every point you identify, try to write at least one full sentence explaining it in your own words. Make sure you know which writer said which point.

Projected Grade: 2/12 - A simple list of points with no analysis, structure, or evaluation.